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Roaming Charges

Drunk phone sexThere I was, minding my own business, just having a few too many at the park when this happened.  I was dressed up for spring and what better way to show off my thrift store find but to go to the park and take in the beauty all around me.  Actually our park is just a few square feet up next to some trees that are on the edge of a parking lot, but whatever.  A park is a park.  I was sitting on the bench, knocking a few back when Junior drove by, he beeped his horn and shouted, “Show’em those tits of yours Ella!”  Since I had about six beers in me, I did just that…right when the sheriff was rounding the corner.  Junior laughed, the sheriff however did not.

Now I am in the back of the sheriff’s car, along with another guy.  I have seen him around town, but not that often.  He told the sheriff that he didn’t want to share a car with me, the sheriff replied, “Tough shit.”  On the way to the station a cell phone started to ring.  It wasn’t mine because mine was in my purse on the front seat with the Sheriff.  I looked at the guy next to me and he was sweating like crazy.  The sheriff pulled over, got out and opened up my door.  He looked down at me and told me that he wanted the phone.  I told him that it wasn’t me and then it rang again, we both looked at Charles. 

Charles stared straight ahead.  The sheriff closed my door then went to the side Charles was seated on.  The sheriff asked Charles were the phone was.  Charles didn’t say a word, the phone just kept on ringing and we realized that Charles was sitting on it.  The sheriff pulled him out of the car but there was no cell phone on the seat, but it kept ringing…or Charles’ ass kept ringing I should say.  Charles apparently stuck his wife’s cell phone up his ass so later he could shit it out because she was texting some guy on it and he caught her.

Instead of going to the jailhouse, we all made a stop at the local hospital where Charles had to have the cell phone removed from his ass.  I thought this is was about the funniest thing I had ever experienced.  The sheriff and I just chatted while we were waiting.  I’ll tell you something.  I have never put something like a cell phone up my ass, I don’t need to, because if I want something bulky then I know a few guys whose cocks would do the trick.

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Sucked Him Dry

Big dick suckerOH MY GOD!  I ran into a hot Puerto Rican guy who was here in this small shit town visiting his cousin.  When I saw him my dick twitched and almost sprung free from it’s tuck!  He was all man! Muscles, ink, piercings, nice little silhouette in his jeans.  I was thirsty for that Latin dick.  Him and his cousin walked over to the store I was sitting outside of and he looked at me and winked.  His cousin said, “You don’t want any of that bra.  It has a dick bigger than mine.”  He looked at me again, winked and said back to his cousin, “How do you know what size cock she has?”  His cousin punched him in the arm and they went into the store laughing.

Yeah his cousin knew what size dick I have because I have sure enough fucked him with it enough.  Anyway when they came back out I said, “Hi sexy.”  He said, “Hi Miss.”  His cousin laughed and I glared at him.  He shut up real quick, I guess he was afraid that I would tell.  He said, “What’s your name?”  I told him and he said, “Do you really have a bigger dick than him?” I said, “Hell yes.”  He laughed and walked away with his cousin who gave me the finger.

Later that evening him and his cousin pulled into my drive way.  He walked up to me and said, “So, this is where you live?” I said, “No, I just like the ambiance of this shit hole place.” He laughed and him and his cousin came in.  We drank some beer then I showed him my cock.  He asked me if I knew how to use it and I said yes.  Then he asked if I ever sucked a dick.  I said, “Hell yes.”  Next thing I know we were in my bedroom sucking, fucking, grunting, and cumming.  I really hope he sticks around for the next few days, because Lord Have Mercy, he is one fine fuck boy.

April Fools You Cheating Bastard!

Shemale phone sexTonight is going to be one of the most amazing fucking good times ever.  Today is April 1st, which means it is April Fools Day.  Usually I’m the one who gets pranks played on me by back wood hillbilly idiots, but tonight will be different!  I have a twin sister and she recently found out that her boyfriend has been fucking around on her.  I can’t blame him much because Stella is a piece of work.  I’m surprised anyone would dip their dick in her, but hey, when the pussy is just thrown at you like she wields hers around, you take it!

Now as I said, her boyfriend has been fucking around on her.  She phoned me this morning to see if I could help her out.  I told her sure, what did she have in mind?  She wants me to drive into the city and be at a certain bar and pick her man up.  I told her that if that happens I will not be held accountable for what happens once we get back to my room.  She said, “GOOD! FUCK HIM ELLA, MAKE HIM BLEED!”  Well alrighty then.  There are a couple of rules though. 

If I manage to catch his eye; which shouldn’t be hard since he is dating Stella after all. HA!  The rules are as follows: 1) I cannot let him know that Stella is my sister; 2) I cannot let him know before hand that I have a nice juicy dick; 3) When I finally reveal this glory between my beautiful thighs I have to yell “APRIL FOOLS FROM STELLA YOU CHEATING BASTARD!” Then basically force myself on him and ride him until he is raw and crying. 

I told her that I would do it, not because he cheated on her but because for once, it will not be me on the receiving end of an April Fool’s joke.  PLUS, I get to fuck hard, fast and make it hurt! What a fabulous April 1st I will have!

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