Roaming Charges

Drunk phone sexThere I was, minding my own business, just having a few too many at the park when this happened.  I was dressed up for spring and what better way to show off my thrift store find but to go to the park and take in the beauty all around me.  Actually our park is just a few square feet up next to some trees that are on the edge of a parking lot, but whatever.  A park is a park.  I was sitting on the bench, knocking a few back when Junior drove by, he beeped his horn and shouted, “Show’em those tits of yours Ella!”  Since I had about six beers in me, I did just that…right when the sheriff was rounding the corner.  Junior laughed, the sheriff however did not.

Now I am in the back of the sheriff’s car, along with another guy.  I have seen him around town, but not that often.  He told the sheriff that he didn’t want to share a car with me, the sheriff replied, “Tough shit.”  On the way to the station a cell phone started to ring.  It wasn’t mine because mine was in my purse on the front seat with the Sheriff.  I looked at the guy next to me and he was sweating like crazy.  The sheriff pulled over, got out and opened up my door.  He looked down at me and told me that he wanted the phone.  I told him that it wasn’t me and then it rang again, we both looked at Charles. 

Charles stared straight ahead.  The sheriff closed my door then went to the side Charles was seated on.  The sheriff asked Charles were the phone was.  Charles didn’t say a word, the phone just kept on ringing and we realized that Charles was sitting on it.  The sheriff pulled him out of the car but there was no cell phone on the seat, but it kept ringing…or Charles’ ass kept ringing I should say.  Charles apparently stuck his wife’s cell phone up his ass so later he could shit it out because she was texting some guy on it and he caught her.

Instead of going to the jailhouse, we all made a stop at the local hospital where Charles had to have the cell phone removed from his ass.  I thought this is was about the funniest thing I had ever experienced.  The sheriff and I just chatted while we were waiting.  I’ll tell you something.  I have never put something like a cell phone up my ass, I don’t need to, because if I want something bulky then I know a few guys whose cocks would do the trick.

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